Hitchcock & Prufrock

October 25, 2010 § Leave a comment


 Originally written 13th October

“I’m staying above the flat line, I’m ahead of the curve. “ Ahead of the Curve – Monsters of Folk

First impressions are set in stone, but it is my belief that in modern society people are at there most truthful and open when they unable to hide their true selves due to alcohol or a mind clouding drug. Apparently first impression make up 80% of a persons overall view of someone, or maybe its 60%, either way they are important. So that’s me, all the good and the bad, mostly the bad, but all me. I was in a very strange period of my life. Alcohol and the back end of a doomed love affair. My brain had stopped seeking new friends until further notice. So far this train had thought had crashed me into trouble more than a few times. Reaction is a dangerous thing, Einstein told us that “Every action has an opposite and equal reaction.” He may have been talking about chemical bonds, he may not have, either way this is a philosophy that can be applied to every aspect of human nature, relationships especially. Words are always important in relationships, when to use them, when not to use them, and which ones should be used. Even after a relationship lines in songs or personal jokes from popular culture will trigger fond memories in the minds of former lovers. Either way I was alone on this one. My mother would have been proud. It’s a shameful day when your months target is stay alive. I think it was Homer Simpson who once said “You have to get out of New York City before it eats your soul.” Advice I am keen on taking. It is time to jump ship. I will return. I am sure of that.  I was planning for JFK to be my way out. I have always found Kennedy’s life fascinating. He was a charmer, the first real T.V friendly president. He set the precedent for the way to act in front of camera for every future president. In fact it could be argued that Kennedy formed the way that some of the most powerful men who have ever lived address millions of people for the next 50 years. On top of that he was shagging Marylyn Monroe. Not to mention his tireless work for civil rights. Not too shabby, and what an exit, that’s how to go, when they’re ringing your curtain down, demand to be shot like John Fitzgerald Kennedy. The fastest away from 9th avenue is through central park. But first I have to leave this hotel and preferably in a way that would involve me parting with more money than I think necessary. I have not paid anything on the door of the hotel, I had just showed proof that I was able to pay. Also I have racked up quite a sizable room service bill which I hope to avoid. I don’t see it as stealing, I see it as being a modern day Robin Hood in a concrete Nottingham. CNN is on the television with flickering images of burning cities smoking. The bed is unmade and all over the floor were stacks of used plates. The only order in the whole room hangs neatly from the back of the door. My beautiful new coat, on closer sober inspection it was a very expensive coat, designed by Paul Costello. I still have no idea how it came into my possession or who’s phone is ringing in the top corner pocket. All I know is that hotel managers ask less questions to people who are dressed in such clothes. Acting rich will be an essential part of my escape and the costume would be crucial.

My battered copy of “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” Had also survived the nights. It’s a beautifully written book but for me it has an air of sadness. It’s like the 8 year old boy who picks up his brand new £100 Fender Stratocaster copy and turns on his stereo and listens to Jimmy Page, or Jimmy Hendrix. It begs the question, I’m never going to be that good, and so what’s the point? Well it’s a negative mind frame, but it’s a question that defines my generation. Some people try and copy there idols, take on there mannerism, hell Hunter S. Thompson himself would copy out whole pages of Hemmingway’s work just hoping that something would seep in. Imitation is the most sincerest form of flattery. But Imitation is cheap and is not what is being attempted here. Similar experiences lead to similar stories. Yet I don’t think he would have liked me much. Never meet your hero’s, he made damn sure I wouldn’t. Heroes have always been a hard subject for me. An ex-girlfriend of mine once told me that I needed some new heroes. In fairness my immediate list of heroes doesn’t go well, more than a few have killed themselves, more have attempted it and the rest are on the road to it. But what is there for kids these days to admire? Spoilt drink driving, club fighting brats how play in the premier division of English football? No. The fucking no talent losers who shoot to fame by luck due to one moment that was caught on the internet or reality television? No. The drug addict dying poets that front the best bands? No. The fact of the matter is that Britain is broken and it has been since the 50s and kids will always look to the bad kids for inspiration because the good kids just aren’t cool and no one wants them. Hero’s have to be mad and on the edge and prone to going over it, that’s the whole charm.

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