Early one mornin’ while makin’ the rounds, I took a shot of cocaine and I shot my woman down.

October 27, 2010 § Leave a comment


  -“I take my hat off to the busker man.”

Same JeansThe View

We pulled over around 4am in motorway service station. We needed the sleep if we were going to keep up this relentless bravado. Those places all seem to look the same in France. We had no idea of our destination; we just knew we were travelling south. We have driven along way and have very little idea of where we really were. Maxi had slept most of run and Mossy was still behind the wheel pushing the car to stay awake. I hate to sound like an old man but it was nice to have a quiet seat to sit in. I think we are all grateful for the comparative tranquillity of the road. My phone rang around lunch time, my heart skipped a beat as I went to answer as my brain rushed with questions, the other two carried on completely unaware of the drama unfolding inside my brain. Could it be Paris Girl? I pressed the green button and held the phone up to my ear; I paused for a second to see if the other person was in any great rush to speak before I muttered “Hello?” It wasn’t Paris Girl, it was the magazine, they had enjoyed my article on the Paris hotel and were contributing to my account. Good news I suppose.

Myself and Moss decided to pull our heads out of the sand somewhere around 5pm, we consulted a road sign as to where we were. We had no idea how far we had come. We had been on and off the road for around 8 hours. We had loved the simplicity of the motorway too much to really hold down any direction. We slowed a bit on the motorway near one of those bigger blue and white French motorway sign. The places posted were Lyon, St Etienne and Valance. We heading for the heart of Lyon, we would pass through but not stop. The reason we weren’t stopping were 2 fold, first of all we were still content in the car so it was wise to keep pushing, to get so far away from England that we can’t just turn around again. The second reason was we have lined up our next target on this mystery tour. We would be leaving France for the principality of Monaco. A night in Monte Carlo was an exciting prospect. On top of that the money for the magazine had cleared and despite the mini drinking petrol like it was its 18th birthday. I knew that the magazine would love on article on a get up and go cheap holiday in somewhere as luxurious as Monte Carlo. Things were looking up, Maxi was stirring from his deep sleep in the back seats, a sleep so deep that he had not even realised that during a stop me and Mossy had fashioned him a handle bar moustache with some charming sideburns all made of felt tip pen. But soon we would have shaken off that after drinking lull and we were looking down the barrel of one of the most glamorous places in word. We are young , we have money and a long list of reasons to smile. Despite unfortunate lingering thoughts of left behind lovers.

We passed through Lyon and Valence and down to the south coast with the excitement of the night ahead. Between us we didn’t watch much motorsport but we all watched the drama of the Monaco Grand Prix. The crashes helped, but it was such a glamorous setting that it became part of the story, and we found this charm irresistible. The prospect of partying with the social elite was an opportunity we would not be turning down. The fact that Monaco was a tax haven meant that it was chuck full of rich kids. Rich kids have a lot of money, which means limitless food, drink and drugs. Also they are usually thick as pig shit and easy to take advantage of. The rich only deserve having advantage taken of them if they become spoilt, and spoilt kids were a penny a pound in Monaco and we fully intended to find some.

We got into Monaco around 9pm and the night was starting. There was magic in the air that night, as there had been in Paris. We drove the mini through the famous streets, through casino square, around that famous U turn, and down towards the harbour front. The harbour was full of expensive boats which was a good sign for the night to come. We found a safe underground car park for a small cost and went to walk the harbour front to see what we could find.

It was a warm clear night and the harbour was all light up. It was a beautiful night. This small principality was about to show us what it could do. It a strange place Monaco, like a legoland for rich people, sheltered by those big mountains that seal us all in together. Like another planet where everyone’s exclusive and nothing in the outside world counts. We planned to set the world spinning before we hit the casino. It was around 9.30 when Maxi had a charming idea that would set quite a tone for the night. We returned to the car but only to remove the guitar and a dusty tambourine that Maxi had brought because he couldn’t be arsed to bring a bass. So on that evening my closest friends  and Itook the art of busking to the Monte Carlo harbour front, to what is, in average persons wealth, the richest city in the world. I will always remember the first song, myself and Maxi were tipsy and starting on the Tequila while Mossy had dropped some sort of a ridiculous drug with a ridiculous drug name that I forget, something like Diamonlexsesanitine. The song was “Can’t Stand Me Now” by “The LibertinesI played, Maxi sang and hit that old tambourine with Mossy was dancing like an occupant of acid house. We were content, if this was the astonishing steps we had to take to be happy then I was glad that despite the odds we had made it. In our states we didn’t really think about the crowd we would draw. Mossy would set the tone for this. A group of seven preppy but pleasant English rich kids came over who recognised the song. The three girls of the group were drawn in by Mossys mad dancing, they danced him giggling away while the four boys in the group stood watching. They all had very well made and expensive clothes, but only the girls had taste. Mossy had drawn one of the girls in to his personal dance and then started holding hands and singing the harmonica solo, it was charming. First impressions are everything when meeting a girl, but if you can be doing something truly magical or even insane then that can be an invaluable contribution towards having your wicked way. The song ended and the girls cheered while the boys reluctantly clapped, we could tell from this moment that everyone had done the simple boy maths, three girls and seven guys, their odds had been cut from three girls and four guys and they were not happy about this. The way they saw it, for then at least, it was those four boys and us three boys, if they could remove us they could get back to trying to remove each other. This was the score inside every boys brain, but we were not going down without a fight, three boys and three girls worked, and we liked their clothes and the way they moved, they were up for a laugh, and we were up for that.

Our second song was “Same Jeans” by “The View” the three girls carried on dancing while the boys didn’t do themselves any favours by staying standing by this spectacle. They really should have joined in but instead they let their obvious annoyance at us show which only frustrated the girls who just wanted to have a good time. These gentlemen were Cleary amateurs, that or they were more used to things just on a plate. They had nice clothes, top brands, dressed on daddies’ dollars. Ralph Lauren jumpers, deck shoes. They girls had class though, sweeping dresses, beautifully made up, like if three American prom queens met under a street light to dance to a pauper’s pipe. The boy’s frustration was there to be built on; it made them very easy targets.

The third song is always a tricky one to choose. We had done sing along and happy placed songs. It was time to do Mossy a favour a lower the beat maybe get a bit of slow dancing happening on that makeshift dance floor that was the Monte Carlo dockside. The song we chose was “La Cienega Just Smiled” by “Ryan Adams” I hope your taking notes on those by the way because so far those are some fucking A-Class songs. From the opening chords it can be told that this song is a slow one. Mossy offered his hands out to slow dance with the girl who he had been holding hands with before, shyly but with a broad smile she accepted. One of the other girls had tailed off to the boys and tried to pull one of them in to dance, but he declined as a point of preserving a united front with the other well dressed gentlemen. That boys loss would be Maxis gain, he had been finding it hard to tap out a beat to such a slow song, and so dropped the tambourine and offered the girl a dance she took. The delicious rift was starting to widen between the girls and boys. The remaining girl was reluctant to go back to them, seeing and with her girlfriends dancing she took a seat next to me a started to smoke the cigarette that Maxi had left burning in one of the loops of the tambourine. To my astonishment she  broke into the slow rhythm with all the right words. I couldn’t help but be impressed by that. At the end of the song the boys announced that they were “Going back to the hotel.” Their unwillingness to dance had frustrated the girls who simply said “We’ll see you later then.”I don’t feel bad about what we did, the rich boys had fucked themselves and they will learn from that.

We played another song, we knew we needed to bust the pace up a knotch, I went for “Bohemian like you” by “The Dandy Warhols.“ I had seen the Warhols once, at V Festival, they didn’t play that song because Vodaphone owned it, the fucking sell outs. However they did make up the over half of the musical love affair that made up the movie “DiG!”, greatest rock and roll movie ever, the other half being “The Brain Jones Town Massacre.” Anyway, how rude of me to go so off topic when there are pretty girls that need attending to. The song was perfect Maxi , Moss and the couple of acquired female companions broke into a crazy dance, while the pretty young thing who was next to me with a taste for Ryan Adams started taping away on the tambourine and smiling away. Tonight is going to be a good night.

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