I’ll fight like hell to hide that I’ve given up.
November 8, 2010 § Leave a comment
Well fuck, here we go again. Another globe trotting chase of a girl I barley know but have pinned all my hopes too. I have been here once or twice before and both times, obviously, it ended in heartache. But fuck it, because it’s not really ever about what your chasing, not in any walk of life. Not matter what your doing you should always enjoy the chase more than the result. Anticipation, that nervous shaking, when your waiting to see if your going to feel big or small in a few moments, when you just don’t know how it’s going to turn out, that’s the moment you want to stay in forever, no disappointment no anticlimax just that bit where your desperate to find out what your capable of. But hey, maybe if it’s easy to say that when things have never turned out quite the way I planned.
I have a few days to find her before I go back to England to put Maxi in the ground. It’s not something I’m looking forward too, not one bit. Mossy will be there and all our other close friends, the ones who laughed at us for going on that stupid trip. But it’s the family I hate the idea of the most, I know that’s a terrible thing to say, but I don’t want to see his mother crying over him, I don’t want to see his sister reading some poem and I don’t want to see the distant relatives wheeled out to look at their watches from the back row as they lay rest to the family-fuck up.
I land in Paris in 2 hours. I have no phone number. I think I can remember the hotel. I was trying to block out the fact that she hadn’t contacted me since that night, I would deal with that later. I would go to the hotel, that would be where I would find her, failing that? I have no idea. Ask at the desk? Fuck, this is starting to sound really fucking stupid. Fuck it, no backing out now. I’ve sworn a lot in this post, I must be nervous as hell.