Sky highs and nose dives.
August 20, 2011 § Leave a comment
“The sun came out of nowhere like a bar fight. And it knocked out the wind and bruised me with light. And I felt grateful for living just like I feel tonight.” Well Whiskey – Bright Eyes.
I must admit, this most recent posts I have started a few times. The contrasting moods of these drafts sums up where my head is at the moment. All over the place. Up and down. Ok. I take that back. Hold on – Let me try and explain.
It’s up’s and down’s at the moment but it isn’t sky highs and nose dives. It’s not steady but it’s not sudden. It’s not sharpe. It’s up and down but it never really strays too far from the middle. The middle is what I’m used to these days. But I think that that’s all about to change. After a while off the road you start to long for the middle. After weeks waking up in gutters and 5 star hotels you aren’t really sure if your coming or going, happy or sad, staying or leaving. After weeks not sure which mirror your going to be looking in the morning you forget to worry about what your going to see. Just me. A bust lip maybe. Bruised eyes perhaps. Blood on my clothes. Who knows? It all becomes a blur. A means to an end. You long for a warm bed, clean sheets, a shower and uninterrupted sleep. But after weeks in the middle. Weeks in the mundane. You miss the ups and you forget the lows. The lows had their charm, I have to admit. That’s why I’m going back. While I’m just young enough to pull it off. I have missed it. Writing it all again. The Mr Jekyll and Mr Hyde of the 5-star-circuit. It’s blessed. I think my employment is starting to cotton on to my antics. They get a few complaints about damaged hotel rooms. They have a soft spot for me I think. No more going missing. No more chasing pretty girls. Cut back the drinking? I’m itching to write about it again. I have missed it. I have missed the memories especially the ones I don’t remember.
SO SING US A SONG YOUR THE PIANO MAN! Here’s to us. I’ve been doing this nearly a year now. This comparatively healthy way to vent, or at least document, the drunk Mr Hyde. Who get’s drunk. Wakes up in strange places. Sleeps with strangers. Isn’t ashamed. Just smiles, puts on his clothes, and carries on. I’ve always thought a person needs a Mr Hyde. A person needs that vent. That escape. A way of getting all the bad shit out of your soul. The things you can’t just squash. The things that aren’t healthy to push down into your soul. The stuff that would come back. Resurface. When I got dry as a desert I got mean. A sensible approach to schizophrenia. Tonight we’ll takes risks that you can’t afford.
No longer an astronaut.