Baby it’s the beer that’s smiling, it’s not me.
November 10, 2011 § Leave a comment
It’s been spluttering. Shaking. Ticking over. Like the engine in an old car, stuttering away under a bonnet. Just trying to get started. Me recently that is. After a long absences I have returned. Here I am, back again. For how long? Probably until I run out of things to say. She’s starting to look worried. I think that’s what that. I’m not sure. I’m not sure if it is uncertainty or lack of interest that leads me or leaves me with whatever this emotion or opinion of that facial expression is. Shit. I used to good at this. Like an old master moving chess pieces over a board set up inside her head. Each move was seen. Each move was predicted. I knew the moves. I saw them coming almost always. However, unlike the very best, there was little I could do about them. Just to tense for the hit. That talent was mine. The hit was expect. I was never shocked by them. I just took them. I must be fine, my hearts still beating. I’ll be fine this isn’t my first time. I’ve taken blows before and every time I did survive. It’s not that I don’t see them coming. It’s that I don’t give a fuck. It’s sad. I know. But fuck it. I just don’t care anymore. There is no stronger feeling than indifference. To hate something is to care about it. To feel indifference is to be cold. Is truly not care anymore.