They’ll judge you in the end as lover and a friend not on whether you pretend that he knows about your hunger and he knows about your first, that he knows about the drugs I took and how it made me worse.

October 14, 2012 § Leave a comment


“I’m free to be whatever I, whatever I choose and I’ll sing the blues if I want.” – Whatever – Oasis.

Of all the evil I have ever seen in my life few fall into the same ring as gay conversion camps. Camps in which parents send children showing signs of homosexuality so that they come back “normal” . Camps where young people who are dealing with the difficult transition into adolescents and acceptance are forced to resist something that they should be embracing. Being taught that the natural urges they are feeling are the result of internal evil. Taught the word of god as fact. Taught opinion as fact. Taught that what they are feeling is evil and that they will rot in hell for natural thoughts and natural actions. Some of those, attending against there will, have such overwhelming feelings of fear and hate for themselves due to what they are taught, that they kill themselves. The camps charge thousands for these camps. 

In my opinion, if hell is real, then there is a special ring reserved for people. 

Homosexuality is not a choice. For me gays are born or at least determined from factors at a very early age. Just because some book written thousands of years ago alludes to homosexuality being wrong does not mean that anyone should turn these people in on themselves. There is no pray-away-the-gay. 

Even as a straight boy my teenage years were my most difficult. They are for everyone. The strange shift, the awkward feelings, the naivety, the dump on the hormones and the mess in the brain. The sleepless nights, the too early mornings, the raging insecurities, the lack of trust, the bad clothes, bad hair, bad faces and gaps in knowledge and the desperate quest to be, or at least be seen to be, normal. The fact is that the worlds dirty little secret is that there is no normal. The other dirty little secret? Even if you don’t believe it now, trust me, please, I mean really, trust me on this, things do get better. School is shit. People are shit. But despite what you may have been, it is not the end of the world. 

And I know this, if, at that tender age of 13/14 I had been going through the emotions I had, combined with someone telling me that my inner most thoughts and fantasies were evil and externalising my blame, then I wouldn’t be here writing this. 

Things do get better – just hang on in there. 

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You are currently reading They’ll judge you in the end as lover and a friend not on whether you pretend that he knows about your hunger and he knows about your first, that he knows about the drugs I took and how it made me worse. at No Longer an Astronaut..

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