March 24, 2016 § Leave a comment
“All that caffeine causes bad dreams” The Man the Wife the Former(Financial planning) – Desaparecidos
I wasn’t drunk; My head was clear, clean and ready yet still I felt it. The infamous it. That haunting it. That it that makes me want to climb from the comfort and rattle hard on the cage. The it that you feel when you’re blood is equal parts Tequila, Whiskey and youth. When you want the fight. When you’re desperate for the fight. You know there’s a reason, you know there’s a cause for this burning, wild lust to escalate this situation. It may be to make the other person take notice, it may be satisfy a bloodlust that you thought was a long time lost. Whichever way, in the moment it doesn’t matter. It’s all words and thunder and boiling blood and clenched fist and that desperation for that instant to lead to another instant greater than the last. To take these feelings and swing the intake to the right, to open the floodgates and let it wash all the poison out.
Let it wash away all the resentment that you don’t dare ask where it’s from. You don’t dare face. You just let it creep up on you in your lazy moments. You hide and beg and let it tear you limb from limb out of the way of everyone.
I sat alone and thought about the spiral I’d become. Like gasoline in a puddle. In the right light the colours were beautiful, but you had to get it from the right angle, otherwise you’d just see a polluted mess.
The opening notes of another backwards play. A prologue we didn’t read. Warning signs missed, red flags passed up.
So I faked it out on paper, hypothetical and safer.